Death. HSP Style
From a young age, wanting to die has played a significant role in my life. I don’t know where or how it came about, but I get these overwhelming feelings of wanting to die. I’ve never acted on them and it’s not even about “suicide”. It’s hard to explain, but it’s more about the death part. I used to be worried that I was bipolar because I swing from light to dark so easily, so deeply. Feeling everything so intensely. I was always ashamed of these thoughts and feelings. Did anyone else feel this way? Why can’t I just be happy about what I have? Why am I SO sensitive?
After my mysterious illness hit me in 2009, I turned to google and discovered the genetic trait of high sensitivity. 20% of the population “process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems“. Say, WHAT?! Digging further, I found Ane Axford of sensitive + thriving and so many of my questions were answered. My life has never been the same since and I am so grateful she is in my life. In her program, Sensitive Leadership, she introduced a new idea about highly sensitive people and how they relate to death: A transformation is a change. A part of you IS dying.
My wanting to die was real. And, now whenever I get that feeling I know it is a rebirth. Instead of guilt and shame, I let myself fully experience the feeling. Instead of fighting it, I let myself have it. Emotionally, of course. It may feel like the end of the world. And the only thing I can do is watch a lame, fluffy TV show. Eh em… 90210. But, after I have gone through the process, I am different. I have a new sense of clarity. A part of me has died and a new one takes its place.
Do you have a friend who may be highly sensitive? This rebirth concept changed my life in a profound way. Send them this post and you might change their life too.